Zara hummed, nodding a little.
"Huh...that makes sense now. Kyle said that Nil had been escorting her to shopping locations; I hadn't realised he meant without the baby." She shook her head, looking off to the side. "Some people just don't understand what a good thing they've got. It's upsetting when people don't appreciate their kids; Hell, even Marlowe loved his children. Sure, his son is dead now and he was a terrible, terrible role model, but he at least didn't want to put them in harm's way."
"Then again, if he genuinely didn't want George in danger, Marlowe would have given up the Kingdom long before his death...you know what I mean, anyway." She sighed, looking over to him.
And she did just that. She really looked at him, considering her thoughts before speaking surprisingly softly.
"You know, when I first met you, I thought you was a complete and utter cad. A near thirty year old who was handsome, charming, had a good job, and plenty of opportunity to meet someone and you hadn't settled down yet? It screamed 'player' to me." She pursed her lips, looking away. "I have only recently started to see it was because of the exact same reasons as me. Plenty of opportunity, lots of offers, perhaps getting close in the past...but in the end, you knew it would harm the other person in one way or another. If you chose someone too sweet and innocent, they would be forced to dangerous situations and be made a victim. If you chose someone too indulged in this area of work, you would both be at odds and they would perhaps back off from any commitment. In the end, trying to find someone with the right balance of morals is extremely difficult."
"How common is it to find someone morally good that wants the wedding and the kids and the happy life...but also understands and accepts that you control an organisation known for breaking arms and working for those less moral? And on top of that, the balance between having your own employees and friends protecting your lovers but also requiring them to be able to protect themselves and not do anything stupid. Meeting people in the first place is hard. It's not like we can just go up to someone and live the romantic dream because it would mean we either expose ourselves and risk lawful repercussions, or we live a lie..."
She stared off for a long moment, frowning.
"I thought I found my balance with Levi...and then again with Hugh...I thought that because they worked in the similar area, they would be more understanding...but they weren't. They both wanted me to give up this life - I thought I did too. Maybe one day I will...but I'm finally free. I feel independent for once. I think it will be too late by the time I want to settle down, but I think I'm at peace with that now."