A Magical Roleplaying Experience 

"These are dark times, there is no denying..."
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RP • Freeform roleplaying taking place at Hogwarts and in the wizarding world. Stories in this forum must adhere to the canon setting and storyline of the Harry Potter series.
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 #35911  by Everevna
 
"Vell, it vasn't you," she answered, intending the answer to pass off as merely one of their usual, jesting banter. Beneath the strained humour, however, stirred the dull reverberation of an accusation, and her gaze which fleetingly landed on him shuttered away beneath her long, dark lashes just as quickly. She did not want him to see the hurt in them. It was pride, and defensiveness, but it was also resignation.

If Wylder had a good time, Ksenia did not want to be the one to put him in between a rock and a hard place.

She briefly feigned examining the blood splatters on the floor instead, before jabbing her wand, too, to evaporate them into thin air. Did one cluster look almost like the diner's operation logo?

"Did you change vhen you came in?" Wylder's roommate gestured to his attire then. She thought she had heard the front door, but perhaps he had came in sooner than that and what she'd heard was the door to his shared room with her brother. "Don't tell me that's vhat you vore. The poor girl. You could have at least put on that nice shirt you got from the Plaza last year." The one he was pestered into getting. By her. It was a nice shirt. He did not have many nice shirts. And she liked seeing him in it, when he'd relented and tried it on in the fitting room.
Ksenia Dimitrievna Ilyenkova
 #35945  by Kael
 
There it was -- the sweet sting of her tone, the hidden pleasure that was found in her pain, revealed with the subtlety of a brick through a window, if you knew what you were looking for. And Wylder did. It was exactly what he'd wanted, as a slave to his desire to understand. He couldn't resist taking some advantage of the mess he'd gone home to, but he felt some guilt at even such a small misdirection -- the payoff was just too valuable to ignore.

"Ksenia," he said, taking a slow step forward, reaching out to her in some metaphysical way. Wylder allowed the corner of his mouth to curl -- the look of someone who knew something that their opposite didn't.

"Is that why you're so upset?"

Because she thought that he was with another girl? Wylder wouldn't normally be so forward with such a question, but he felt like he was holding all the cards, for once.
 #35950  by Everevna
 
Despite her feeble attempt to obfuscate their present predicament, she understood what his question truly meant, the heart of what it sought for. She did not want to—it would be too telling—but the instinct was too innate to resist, and Ksenia pinned an angry glare on the only boy she had ever came close to liking in any way more than simply as a friend. She was trying so hard to just—

She was trying so hard to just be. And let what was, was.

Did he have to ask? What good could come out of her confession now? "No," the girl almost spat out the half-truth. It was half-truth—Ksenia was upset about more than that. But, it was also that, it was a lot of that, which made her answer also a half-lie, or more like a three-quarter-lie, and not a particularly convincing one, she'd realised, since she was apparently incapable of the necessary pretence to complete the half-lie. It was not a welcome realisation. It only made her angrier. Ksenia had been pretending for weeks.

Nyet, for years. For Anatoly, for Wylder, for the three of them.

The older twin to Wylder's best friend ran her aggravated fingers through her cropped hair, trying to restrain the restlessness which plagued them from lashing out at something else that could be easily broken and mended, unlike the three of them after whatever that had been said between Anatoly and her tonight, or whatever now that thrashed against its cage of her rational mind. It was fighting a losing battle.

She turned away from Wylder, unable to contain the growl of frustration that slipped between her teeth. It might as well be a signature on her confession.

"Posle draki kulakami ne mashut," the Soviet said, and before he could ask her what she'd said, "It is done."
Ksenia Dimitrievna Ilyenkova
Last edited by Everevna on 27 Feb 2020, 17:14, edited 1 time in total.
 #35973  by Kael
 
Any thought of a smirk was shot down by the laser-guided missile that was Ksenia's glare. The ballistics caught Wylder off-guard and the following shock wave displaced what had been such sure footing. He was like a soldier at war, lost in the wake of an artillery strike.

"What?" He shot blindly into the mist, grasping for any hold he could find -- any grip that he could use to take control of this misdirected anger.

Didn't Ksenia know what she did to him? Was she not aware of the string that Wylder had yet to let go off? The one that she dragged him by so carelessly, happily suffering in her tracks if it meant receiving just one of those looks.

Little did she know that Wylder had avoided his date. And, sure, he hadn't thrown a fit and destroyed the entirety of the household's dishes in his own process, but he also resented Anatoly's attempt.

A hand found itself on the frame of Ksenia's shoulder.

"Nothing is done."
 #35987  by Everevna
 
Wylder's presence, so near in the narrow galley of the kitchen, so reachable, felt agonising to her—a floating raft in the crashing sea that she had to steel herself to watch bob past on the waves. Ksenia was operating on instinct, and all of her instincts wanted to stifle out the jealousy and hurt, the confusion, the fear of what they had all done to one another, the still-palpable longing.

She instinctively nearly shrugged Wylder's hand off her shoulder in her blind frustration, the motion just as heavily marred by the simultaneous desire to grab it and never let go, but Ksenia still registered his response that cut through the fog.

"Vhat does that mean? Vhat is there more to say? Vhat do you vant from me?" she fired, her voice rife with anguish.
Ksenia Dimitrievna Ilyenkova
Last edited by Everevna on 15 Feb 2020, 21:07, edited 1 time in total.
 #35997  by Kael
 
His hands raised defensively -- he meant no harm and his hands were clear. He had never done anything wrong, he thought, yet he had such strong emotions that were begging to be twisted. The passion of the moment and months of repressed inhibitions were a dangerous cocktail.

"I never went on the date!" Wylder exclaimed, revealing his building frustration. A mild flush ran across his cheeks -- embarrassment? Anger? He didn't normally speak so loud and it felt draining.
 #35999  by Everevna
 
Every rushing breath in her chest seemed to collide simultaneously into a brick wall.

Ksenia startled, taken aback—from the uncharacteristic force of his expression, from the sudden volume by which his words were spoken, from the words themselves. Something leapt to her throat. She felt it thrumming frenetically, tremulously—wings of a captive dragonfly that just saw hope of escape. She did not mishear him; it would be too cruel if it turned out that she had.

Anatoly's sister stared at his best friend, their housemate, not without bewilderment, but mostly uncertain. Vulnerable, from being thrown off balance by the unexpected confession which had fallen into her lap and did not yet reveal itself to be a gift or the beginning of some kind of end.

"But you were out all night," was all she stupidly questioned, not understanding, wanting to understand, perhaps also not quite daring to understand.
Ksenia Dimitrievna Ilyenkova
 #36042  by Kael
 
Wylder begged for patience through slow breaths. He wanted to turn and leave, to simply remove himself from the situation before his feelings of longing were perverted into resentment. He wanted to lift the heavy, weighted blanket of miscommunication that was applying so much pressure and left him feeling immobile on the ground.

"I was in the library," he stated simply. Some bubble of frustration eventually popped as he went on, "What does it matter, anyway?"

It was a challenge and that was clear. Wylder had spent so much time on the defensive that it was pushing him to break. It wasn't him that had clearly distanced himself after that night in the woods. He had no obligations to Ksenia. She had no right to be upset, even if he had gone on the date.

But he wanted her to be close. He didn't want her so upset. And maybe he even really wanted those obligations.
 #36079  by Everevna
 
In Wylder's question was a subtle bite and an accusation of his own against her, which might have made her balk, but Ksenia did not. What he implied—that she did not have a right to whether he chose to go on the date—was true, and valid, but it was not the point. By now, she had to understand the point, whether she chose to or not. Through the hazy aftermath, her own vision, blinded by emotion, for the first time, was beginning to clear.

Enough to see that in the pinpoint of it was a path she had thought closed.

That at the end of it was Wylder.

She was still angry with Anatoly, in the same breath that she still did not want to hurt him, but his knowledge that was a trap was just as much freeing now. Ksenia didn't have to pretend anymore, not for sake of her twin, nor for sake of their friend. Certainly, there was something left to preserve in them all, together, and that could never again be the same if Ksyusha chose what she saw now that she could choose.

But they hadn't been the same. They just didn't know it.

And maybe that was the point of all of this, the true implication of what she had said to Tolusya tonight—she didn't want them to be the same.

Ksenia flicked out the tip of her tongue, wetting her lips, as if preparing herself for what that she might say. There was a purpose now to her demeanour, a certain measuredness that was born from some kind of decision made, even if there was still a hint of tentativeness that bordered on girlish nervousness. "It matters," she said, tone suggesting that she was not leaving no room for ambiguity in the conclusion. "I don't—" want you to date anyone who isn't me choked up in her throat, tasting like fear. Honesty was harder than she had expected. She had been worried that he had only wanted something physical, and she was learning something else now, but what if this was all too much now, and he did not want any of this anymore?

"Wylder." Ksenia swallowed. She breathed, slow, almost as if mirroring his own.

"Vould you show up, if it had been me?"
Ksenia Dimitrievna Ilyenkova
 #36300  by Kael
 
Even the slightest edge in his tone made it enough for Wylder to wish he could grab a hold of his words before they reached Ksenia's ears -- if his words had been a rusted blade, he would have held tight until his flesh was sawed through to the bone. But he found that maybe there was something to giving in and letting his emotions speak, like it was a vaccine the pair needed to set them back on a clear path, even though it appeared only damaging at first.

But Wylder found himself unprepared for the confrontation he'd been pursuing, now that it looked him in the eye. How could one person be held responsible for such a mix of emotions -- so many thoughts and feelings that were simultaneously gargantuan and clear to see, yet ineffable?

They sat in silence for the drawing of several breaths, another paradoxical moment that listed on endlessly even as each heartbeat echoed quicker and heavier than the last. Wylder wondered if he looked at her long enough, maybe she would realize what he already knew and thought to be so obvious. But they could no longer rely on the crutch of words unsaid.

"I would," he said, low and quiet, eyes flickering down in hesitation of facing his own emotions that were reflected in the girl's eyes.
 #36312  by Everevna
 
Voices, muffled, diffused through the one cardboard-thin wall they shared with neighbours they pretended to not recognise whenever they passed by one another in the building foyer. Amber light flickered above their heads, no more fickle now than it had been since they moved in over a year ago. Somewhere beyond the dusty window of their apartment, someone broke glass of some kind in the streets, the shrill sound dissipating in the night as abruptly as it started. The world as she knew it seemed to all at once remain as unchanged as it tilted into some unfamiliar shape.

Ksenia exhaled.

She had not realised she had been holding her breath.

She opened her mouth, meaning to say something, though even she did not quite know what, and the words struggled to come. He would show up if it were her, he said, but did he understand what it meant? That she would believe him, that she would trust him. That after years of longing for more that she pined for whatever he was willing to give, that she was afraid that she might become greedy. That she might lose him in the same breath she had him.

That one day she might wonder if it was better if she never had asked what she did.

"Tolya knows that I like you," the confession came finally, prompting a sudden restlessness that prompted her hands to fidget, thumb running back and forth against the ghost of a wound along her palm. Ksenia longed to weave her fingers through Wylder's instead, but some unfamiliar fear rooted her to the ground.
Ksenia Dimitrievna Ilyenkova
 #36341  by Kael
 
The fabric of his world suddenly seemed fragile, like there was a tear at the seem and the weight of so many thoughts, now manifested as words spoken, were stripping away at it stitch by stitch. Wylder wondered if Anatoly could hate him, or if he could hate his own twin sister. Surely not, whispered the voice of reason. But a line had been crossed and there was no going back now.

Wylder did not think to weigh his two housemates on opposite scales, or to evaluate whether there may be one or the other that he might pledge his allegiance to, in some hope to come out of this without a total loss. He only worried that he might lose both of these pieces of his life that had grown so dear to him. But these thoughts could not linger for long. Wylder would not allow the destruction of what they had created together.

Wylder felt a chill went Ksenia spoke, a shudder in his heart. Somehow those simple words made it all more real than even a secret, physical encounter in the dark of the wood. The verbal confirmation was like a bomb leveling an entire city and leaving nothing but the great wide open, the endless horizon surrounding Wylder on all sides. There was no hint of what direction to go, other than Ksenia's slowly materializing figure as the dust settled.

"Then.. he knows I like you, too," he stated. The boy did not immediately realize this as a confession of his own. It was just a reiteration of something that, in his mind, was simply a fact.
 #36351  by Everevna
 
I like you, too.

The confirmation was handed to her so frankly, so explicitly, that it was almost uncharacteristic for the typically taciturn American that she had spent most of her adolescence with. Despite that, somehow, it did not feel strange. It felt as un-Wylder as it was precisely Wylder. Enough that there was a ghost of a smile that might have briefly tugged at her lips.. After months and years of dancing around the room and refusing to look straight on, first at their own hearts, and later at one another's eyes, it felt exactly how it should be—just the shape, just the words, just the person.

As if truth had a way of demanding light through even the slightest crack open of a closed door.

Anatoly would have wanted to keep that door closed, had kept that door closed.

And Ksenia had let him. At least, she had until tonight. She wanted to already lunge across what space was between Wylder and her and grab him by the collar and kiss him as she had when they had went mushroom picking in his hometown, but the girl stayed herself and watched him carefully.

"Then you also know that he hates this. He vants us to stay the same. As before. The three of us. He thinks this vill ruin everything."
Ksenia Dimitrievna Ilyenkova
 #36397  by Kael
 
Ksenia did not ease Wylder's worries of their third's disinterest at their mutual attraction. It was enough that it felt like a wall between them, even though everything was out in the open. Wylder did not feel the relief that he desired, and the touch he longed for still seemed unreachable.

"Do you think it will?" he asked. It was a slippery slope, he knew, and he certainly did not have a plan. He had not thought about what he wanted in long-form, only that some force had been pulling him towards this girl for so long.
 #36398  by Everevna
 
"I don't know."

It was as honest as the girl could be. Despite her anger and her reluctance, she knew that her twin's apprehension was not unfounded. There had been enough friendships ruined at the Academy because two friends within a social group had decided to date. There had been enough ugliness that she would be no less duplicitous if she'd claimed that there was no truth whatsoever to Anatoly's caution.

And yet.

Ksenia took a step forward, and another step. Her fingers twitched by her side, acutely aware of how close he was now that she could touch him if she'd only reached, that he could easily tug her into his grasp as he did in the forest once.

There was more, too, that Ksenia knew. She knew that he could hurt her, whether or not he would mean to. She knew that she might lose him, if they choose to try. And most of all, she knew that if any of that happened, it would hurt far more than any other beautiful, brilliant boy could possibly hurt her.

And yet.

"Do you?" It was as much a question as it was an announcement of her decision made.
Ksenia Dimitrievna Ilyenkova