A Magical Roleplaying Experience 

 #30028  by Viola York
Viola blinked.

"Sounds dumb. Take it from me, shit like this doesn't work. I tried rehabilitation and I was more miserable for it. But you do you. Stick your neck out and watch what happens." She shrugged. "Who's the girl?"
 #30029  by Simon Cleary
"Like I would tell you," said Simon making a face. "You'll go find her and tell her even worse things about me." he paused, then said,

"Not that it matters. It's not like I could ever get with her now. And it doesn't matter what happens. That's the point. I'm just trying to do the right thing for the sake of it. You think I thought you were going to bake me a cake? You are the second girl that has slapped me this week so... Maybe I'll be able to just look at myself in the mirror one of these days with out hating what I see, ok?"
 #30030  by Viola York
"I'm sure there will be a third." She muttered, folding her arms and glancing away for a moment.

"Soooo you kinda hate yourself? Hate your situation? Been there, done that." She cleared her throat. " So what else do you have to do to change that? Make a holy vow? Pray in church? Donate blood?"
 #30031  by Simon Cleary
"I guess, I don't know," said Simon, shifting uncomfortably on his feet. "I don't really have a guide in this. Maybe I should ask Nicolai. He's sort of...moral... I guess... Compared to everyone else.... I know..."

Simon paused and looked up thoughtfully, then said, "We don't know ever many good, moral people. Do we? I suppose Levi and Ana but... I don't think they would really understand. They get uncomfortable and shocked too easily."

Looking back at Viola he said, "You think I'm a real pathetic fool for this, don't you? Do you never feel guilting for the way you are? Things you have done?"
 #30032  by Viola York
Viola shrugged.

"Of course I do in some cases. I regret, even feel guilty, for a lot of things. But you can't hold onto them forever. And it's because we're in the circles that we are that makes it hard for us to recover from mistakes. And sometimes...it's just better that we don't. We can't sacrifice everything to try and make amends, as we have to think of the game we're playing to survive. Now that you're in the position you are, you have to be careful. You can't be trusting too many secrets with people."

She gave a significant look.

"You can't make slip ups the way you did just now. Sometimes you have to think whether it's worth it. Who are you putting in danger by going out of your way to complete some bogus moral objective? And will you really feel better for it? What I mean is...Sometimes apologies don't have to be direct. You can make it up to people without tackling it in this awkward, fumbling manner. You can arrange something nice for them, something they will know is from you and is a peace offering. But talking it out like this is risky; you can be too exposed. You gotta be smarter now."
 #30033  by Simon Cleary
Simon blushed a little, then said, "Everything I do is awkward... except for two things. There are only two things I am good at. Killing... and seducing. I am good at being a dangerous predator one way or the other. Trouble is even if I get the women into bed... even if I make them moan with pleasure like they never experienced it before... In the end they don't stay. In fact in the end they seem to leave me worse then when they met me. And I am still awkward, and weird, and... if I drop the dangerous seducer what am I?"

But knitting his brows he said, "But... she liked me. That uhm… the girl... my friend. She didn't know I could be so dangerous and reckless. And when she saw that side she drew back instead of being drawn towards me like other women have been. And when I tried to play my seduction games and get her into bed she... ended up pulling away. She was actually attracted to me. Just me. And it wasn't that she didn't notice how weird and awkward I am..." said Simon, beginning to pace,

"She has blatantly pointed it out, even made fun of me for it. She's always blah, blah, blah Simon, that's why people think you are weird and creepy. But she was actually really, really attracted to me. Liked me as a friend, as someone to talk to, as someone she trusted and had the back of..."

Simon turned and sat down on a wooden bench suddenly, covering his face with his hands as he made a growling sound of frustration into them, before looking up and saying, "She was perfect! She was perfect for me Vi! She's not a killer, isn't an expert fighter, doesn't live on the edge of crazy, isn't a sex maniac... everything I always thought I wanted. And she was perfect, because she liked a side of me I hate. No... who am I kidding it's not a side. I hate all of me. I just like my skills. Because I thought I was nothing of value with out them. And she likes everything else but those things."

Dropping his arms onto his knees wearily he said, "but I basically spent my whole life fucking it up to the point where when I would meet a girl like her... it was only a matter of time before she learned I am the embodiment of her worst nightmares..."

His head was swirling. He hadn't been able to put his finger on it before. why couldn't he stop thinking of her. Why was he attracted to her to begin with beyond her looks? And then he realized... he needed someone who wasn't drawn to him as a killer, or a seducer, because it only reinforced to him every time there was nothing of value in him other than that.

No wonder he couldn't break from the habit...
 #30034  by Viola York
Viola stared at him for a moment, taking it all in. It was kind of amusing to see him break down like this, but at the same time, she didn't particularly want him to be so distraught. Maybe she should really let the bitterness go; after all, Simon had now sworn to help protect Dorian, right? She should at least try and get the best out of him.

She tilted her head, looking at him carefully.

"Sounds like you're fucked, to be honest." She shrugged. "I don't know...maybe this is a lesson. But she could be the start of changing your mind about yourself - I'm not saying you should pin all your hopes on her otherwise you may drift back into those bad stalker habits of desperation. But maybe she will inspire you to do more than just go around apologising to every woman that ever slept with you. Maybe find some new hobbies, discover something else you like to do other than killing, stalking, and fu-"

She cleared her throat.

"Well, you get it. Maybe you should also speak to the guys you mistreated out of envy or jealousy. Did you ever apologise to Kyle for being a petulant child when he got the promotion? Why don't you start acting like the man you want to be instead of hating the man that you are - and not just with girls...with everything."
 #30035  by Simon Cleary
"You're one to preach..." said Simon moodily. But she wasn't the one upset by her own actions, so it wasn't like he had some right to start lecturing her on change.

"And I already thought of that. I'm going to go apologize to Levi for actively seeking to take Zara away from him. "It was such a dick move on my part and he has always been good to me growing up."

Looking sideways at Viola then he said, "And I told you... I'm not looking to get with her any more. Truthfully... I just want her to want to be my friend again. She said we were still friends, but I think she just said that to be nice. She is wary of me now. Maybe if she see a little change..."

He sighed, then wanting to move away from talking about himself he said wearily, "How's married life? I never pictured you with a kid."

And then a thought suddenly struck him.

"Wait..." he said slowly... "Why do you think Astrid would ever be after Dorian? why would she have it out for your son?"

Simon knew... but did Viola? she of course must have noticed that Nathan was putting crazy security around their home, ever since Dorian was born. she knew there was some, weird threat to the children in the Domnican that apparently vanished. Had she put two and two together? Or did she think Astrid would do anything to hurt her? Had she done a paternity test? Or... had she really always known...
 #30036  by Viola York
Viola lifted a brow, glaring a him.

"Isn't it obvious? She's going to find out very soon if she hasn't already..." She brought her hand up, pulling the skin of her lower lid with her index finger. "It's the eyes."
 #30040  by Viola York
Viola took a breath, and then shook her head.

"No...I haven't had chance to and I don't really know how to approach it. 'Hey, he's your kid. Can you make sure your wife doesn't slaughter him or me? And don't tell my husband. Thanks!'" She rolled her eyes. "I have a feeling he already knows...or will soon. I don't know whether to wait it out or go direct, but I may need to wait until I know Mrs Iver is out of the way...maybe even out of the country."
 #30042  by Viola York
"Boring." Viola said bluntly, also looking up to the house.

"There's no fire in him. Everything is bleak and drab; he isn't fun. Sure, there's the baby to talk about but...he never really wants to talk about anything else; he doesn't have the courage to, I guess. I could try and help him out but..."

She shrugged.

"I don't really care. We used each other. He doesn't really want me, and I don't really want him. What does it even matter?"