A Magical Roleplaying Experience 

 #29648  by Jodie Watts
Jodies eyes went wide like dinner plates.

"Whilst she was Marcus!" She groaned, pressing her face into her hands. "For merlins sake...why does it just get worse and worse...let me guess, Marcus doesn't know."

She leaned back in her chair, her head tilting back as she stared up at the ceiling.

"I need you out of my head. I dont know why I'm so drawn to you...But I really wish I wasn't right now. But being drawn to you doesn't mean I can let all of this go. It's just.. too much. I can't picture myself getting back to that mindset of trusting you so completely..."
 #29650  by Jodie Watts
Jodie turned her face to him, giving an incredulous look, almost disbelieving.

"Really? That's all you're going to focus on? Despite everything I've said..." she shook her head, pursing her lips. "Why me? Out of all the women...clearly You can figure out a way to whittle down any woman of any class. Why chase me?"
 #29651  by Simon Cleary
Simon sighed and looked up a moment, sitting back in his chair, but finally he said,

"I don't really see the point in explaining... it seems every time I open my mouth to try and make things better it some how gets worse. Some how I went from this interesting, talented guy you were drawn to and liked... to this weird, creepy, dangerous, sex fiend.."

Slumping down a bit and shading his eyes with his hand he said, "You are just different, ok? You aren't easy at all. Usually with women I can tell when I've got them hooked, even if I know I need to chase them for another month or so. With you the more you get to know me it's like... it's just impossible or something! But all the reasons I am so wrong for you is why you are so right for me. I don't need someone who encourages me in crazy, dangerous, anti social ways. But despite the fact that you are repulsed by basically everything that supposedly defines me... you are still drawn to me. So it seems... maybe there is something more to me then all that. Maybe if I could just figure out what that was I could... find a way to be happy with myself. Because honestly Jodie...?"

He dropped his hand and looked up at her, "I don't like all those things about me either? In fact most of it I hate. Most of myself I hate... And really... you are a hundred percent right. If you were my sister, or daughter or something, I wouldn't want you to date me. I would tell you to get the hell away from me. Because I am fucked up, work in a dangerous business, I'm trouble..."
 #29652  by Jodie Watts
Jose's face softened a bit as he first started talking, but soon another look of disbelief and almost disgust swept over her.

"Errr...no. you wouldn't want to date me because I would be related...I think I get what you mean but...word choices, Merlin."

She rubbed her temples, thinking for a moment, but finally shook her head.

"I am drawn to you. I still think you're interesting and handsome and all the rest but...this is wrong. The only reasons you gave for wanting me are that I'm not easy and you think I can help fix you. And honestly? I don't think I can. I can barely fix myself. I feel like these are things that need to be figured out on our own, and if you really hated those things about yourself, you wouldn't need me to do it. I'm not gonna be the one to hold you back from crawling into a bush to watch women from a distance. I also can't stop your mind from wandering places that are far too extreme. And I also can't stop you from crawling into bed with bad influences."

"I don't think it's your job or business or anything like that. I think it's the fact that you don't leave it at work. You let it bleed into your personal life, associating the exhilaration of danger with the thrill of sex and relationships. Its like you want to connect the highs together, and if one doesn't work, the other will suffice. And when they're together, you can't contain yourself; it's like a drug. Maybe you enjoyed Lily more, despite it being vanilla, because you knew she was cheating on Marcus; a subtle danger, the uncertainty of whether she would remain quiet or not. Maybe it's why you're so drawn to Astrid. She is the prize you can never have...only in dreams."

She leaned back, closing her eyes.

"Maybe you simply want me because of the thrill of conquering something untouched like Lily...the hint of danger from Astrid...the chase in general. Everything is a game. A hunt. Maybe subconsciously you are eyeing up everything that makes you tick, that makes you lock onto a woman. Maybe I will consider you when you start looking at me like a person, and not just a conquest." She looked over to him. "My antlers are my own, Simon. I will never let you hack them from my head like your other prey. Maybe you should first focus on growing your own pair instead of trying to steal others'"
 #29653  by Simon Cleary
"Yeah ok..." said Simon, looking down. He had heard such things before... after being rejected. But he had usually been sleeping with the woman for a wile first. Zara had told him all about himself. Not in the same words but... Basically he was broken, needed to fix himself, he was damaged goods.

He sighed, then said, "I get it. I do. I just want you to know... those aren't the only reasons I wanted to try with you. But I already told you I thought you were beautiful, and good company, loyal and... well I told you all that on the ship. I didn't know you needed to hear it all again. I thought you meant... beyond all that pile of compliments, that I gave you, that far outweigh any reason you have ever gave for being interested in me... beyond some unexplainable attraction for me."

Same. Old. Story.

Simon stood up and walked over to the sink where he grabbed a glass and began to fill it up with water.

"Sorry for creeping you out and wasting your time," he said slowly. "But you are wrong. You are wrong to think it's simply about a hunt, or danger, or just a game. But everything about me you assume the worst, and judge so harshly. And it's not like I wouldn't have eventually told you all that shit from my past. I can be brutally honest with people I really love and trust."

He took a gulp of water, then heading to the door he said, "Thanks for the sandwhich. I really needed that."

He grabbed an apple from a basket then on his way out, but turning then he said, "I'll work on myself, ok? But maybe you work on not assuming the worst of some one just because you are afraid of how attracted you are to them."
 #29655  by Jodie Watts
Jodie frowned, feeling herself shrink, perhaps literally. She looked down at her half-eaten food, not exactly feeling the urge to eat it anymore.

"Sometimes you have to assume the worst...in this line of business, I have no choice but to consider the harshest outcome. I hope I am wrong about you."

She finally looked up at him, holding eye contact.

"I don't think we need each other as lovers right now. I think we both need something stronger and more stable than that. You say it's not a hunt? Show me it isn't. Be my friend first. And I need to be yours. I know I'm not being very fair to you but...I..."

She swallowed, looking down briefly before forcing herself to look back at him.

"Look, for a long period of time, I told you that I trusted you no matter what. You questioned it all the time. But my gut told me go with it; to share myself with you and let my worries go even if it was slowly. I started wanting you to see me, wanting you to talk to me, wanting you to be...intimate with me. And I can't shake that feeling, but now my gut is telling me that there's a disconnect. We want the same things but we're not level yet. There's something not quite right. I can't let go of what you told me so easily...And Maybe I'm assuming the worst of it but...my past..."

She gave a small shrug.

"This is a part of me that I need to work on. I am afraid of how attracted I am to you, I admit that...But I also want to give us the best chance we have. Jumping into a date isn't going to fix it for us...I just want us to be friends and work on the trust now that we know each other's skeletons..."
 #29656  by Simon Cleary
But giving her a slight smile, Simon said, “Oh... I don’t think we should ever date. Because most of what you fear is all true. I am dangerous. I am no good for you.”

He shrugged, then said, “I just wanted you to know the things that aren’t true if we are to be friends. You are really special Jodie. And I like you a lot. You are beautiful, loyal, kind and give me a reason to want to be better. And when it comes to sexual things I want you to know I take pride in the enjoyment of my partners. I didn’t want to get you in bed if we went out. I just wanted to take you out and have a nice time and give you no pressure about it. I like to be a different experience, even if that means jut getting pizza and beer and watching the sunset and that’s it. You could have done that for months and then broken it off and I wouldn’t have given you hell about it. You owe me nothing and you have already given me so much. And I already used you in the most demeaning way. And I am sorry for that and wish I could make it up.”

“But I can’t force you to believe,” he said with a wave as he turned from her. “Maybe you will in time.”
 #29657  by Jodie Watts
Jodie pressed her lips together, nodding.

"Maybe in time..." She repeated after him. She looked down at her sandwich, considering throwing the rest of it away, but shook her head. No she would not even think of doing that. She brought it up and took a large bite. Merlin she was hungry.