Simon blushed a little, then said, "Everything I do is awkward... except for two things. There are only two things I am good at. Killing... and seducing. I am good at being a dangerous predator one way or the other. Trouble is even if I get the women into bed... even if I make them moan with pleasure like they never experienced it before... In the end they don't stay. In fact in the end they seem to leave me worse then when they met me. And I am still awkward, and weird, and... if I drop the dangerous seducer what am I?"
But knitting his brows he said, "But... she liked me. That uhm… the girl... my friend. She didn't know I could be so dangerous and reckless. And when she saw that side she drew back instead of being drawn towards me like other women have been. And when I tried to play my seduction games and get her into bed she... ended up pulling away. She was actually attracted to me. Just me. And it wasn't that she didn't notice how weird and awkward I am..." said Simon, beginning to pace,
"She has blatantly pointed it out, even made fun of me for it. She's always blah, blah, blah Simon, that's why people think you are weird and creepy. But she was actually really, really attracted to me. Liked me as a friend, as someone to talk to, as someone she trusted and had the back of..."
Simon turned and sat down on a wooden bench suddenly, covering his face with his hands as he made a growling sound of frustration into them, before looking up and saying, "She was perfect! She was perfect for me Vi! She's not a killer, isn't an expert fighter, doesn't live on the edge of crazy, isn't a sex maniac... everything I always thought I wanted. And she was perfect, because she liked a side of me I hate. No... who am I kidding it's not a side. I hate all of me. I just like my skills. Because I thought I was nothing of value with out them. And she likes everything else but those things."
Dropping his arms onto his knees wearily he said, "but I basically spent my whole life fucking it up to the point where when I would meet a girl like her... it was only a matter of time before she learned I am the embodiment of her worst nightmares..."
His head was swirling. He hadn't been able to put his finger on it before. why couldn't he stop thinking of her. Why was he attracted to her to begin with beyond her looks? And then he realized... he needed someone who wasn't drawn to him as a killer, or a seducer, because it only reinforced to him every time there was nothing of value in him other than that.
No wonder he couldn't break from the habit...