A Magical Roleplaying Experience 

 #25932  by Reiner Liebhart
Reiner continued racking his brain, but still found nothing the kid should be apologizing for. "I can't imagine what you of all people have to apologize for. If anything, you're the one who deserves the biggest apologies. From him, but also from me. I'm, well, kind of the reason you couldn't get that from him." Reiner shrugged and kicked at the dirt a little. "And I am, sorry. About that and more. I tried to bring him back alive but ..." Reiner drifted off and sighed heavily. This was what he'd been struggling with the most since coming home. The fact that EJ had died - and his twisted up brain had him wondering if maybe on some subconscious level he'd done it for Isobel. Logically, he knew it wasn't true. But there wasn't much logic about emotion, or self doubt. Or depression. Nika had fed him that word - "depression". Reiner hated it. He wasn't depressed. He was angry - with himself, with EJ. With Isobel. The world. But he wasn't depressed.
 #26529  by Jaime del Bosque
Jaime swallowed back the words he wanted to blurt out. He did not want to remember; he did not want to think about the last time he saw his brother.

But it was too late.

"I was never going to get an apology out him. He wasn't sorry. He'd have done it again if he had the chance."
 #26578  by Reiner Liebhart
Reiner nodded slowly, he understood that. He and Jaime had a surprising amount in common. He could definitely sympathize with being the unlucky younger brother of a man with little to no regard for how his actions impacted others. Raban wasn't quite as bad - he'd never actually kidnapped Reiner and his friends. But he had spent their entire childhood torturing Reiner and their baby brother. Reiner had always taken the brunt of it, to protect the very young, and very scrawny, Rex from Raban's violent whims. But that wasn't quite the same as knowing your brother would do something to you as extreme as what EJ had done, even if Raban was a criminal, sociopathic piece of work.

"Still. You deserved more closure than what I was able to give you." He could play the 'what if' game all day - what if he'd captured EJ alive, what if EJ had to spent the rest of eternity in prison, what if being locked up gave EJ a new perspective. It was one of the major reasons he was beating himself up over this - outside the whole "what if I killed him on purpose" aspect of it all. But even then - logically - Reiner knew from experience that all his what ifs weren't likely to change things between the brothers.

"You deserved better than what he was able to give you too, to be honest." he peered at Jaime from the corner of his eyes. "I know what it's like. To have a brother that does horrible things to you, and feels no remorse about it. Nothing quite as...nothing like what happened to you. But I think I understand. And you deserved more." As awkward as their meetings had been, and they were plenty awkward, Jaime wasn't a bad kid. Reiner even kind of liked him.
 #27368  by Jaime del Bosque
"Closure," Jaime scoffed. What did that even mean? Reiner was not the first person to express that particular sentiment about the 'closure', or lack thereof, that EJ's death had brought. Reiner was in the minority though; most people seemed to think Jaime should feel more closure knowing his brother and kidnapper was dead.

"What does that even mean?"
 #28284  by Reiner Liebhart
Reiner paused, not really sure what to say to that, before shrugging. "I wish I knew." Whatever closure was, he sure as hell hadn't found it. He thought on it for a moment, trying to find something that made sense to him. "Maybe it's where you finally are at peace with whatever has happened." He rolled that idea around again in his head a bit. "If that's the case, though, I'm not sure I'll ever get closure." He glanced at Jaime out of the corner of his eye. He wasn't sure the del Bosques would ever get it either, most of all the boy - man, he guessed now - that had directly suffered at his brother's hands.
 #35064  by Jaime del Bosque
"I don't think its possible then," Jaime replied, echoing Reiner's sentiment, "after everything that has happened and how its changed...everything. How can there be peace when every day there is something that reminds me or makes me wonder how things would be different if none of it had ever happened?"
 #35179  by Reiner Liebhart
Reiner didn't have much of an answer to that - but by Merlin, he wished he did. "Unfortunately, I think we just have to try to move on. You know?" he kicked his foot at a clump of dirt. "Try to focus on the future and leave the past where it lay?" He shrugged, Reiner was suddenly feeling fidgety. "Though, I'm far from the model for that." If anything, Jaime should be doing the opposite of what Reiner had been these past months. His self destructive behavior wasn't something he'd like the younger man to be engaging in. "Maybe you try to find something positive in it all? I mean, at least he can't ever hurt you again. Right?" he tried weakly. Reiner himself struggled to find anything positive about his situation, but he could still try. "And for me, at least I got out of the States so your father couldn't try to punch my lights out again." And his sister. But that wound was still to raw to try to joke about. And what a sorry attempt at a joke it was.