Issue #1 ★ 20 August, 2019
Acromantula Confirmed at Hogwarts?!
For a few decades now those that have studied creatures for a living speculated whether there truly is an Acromantula colony in Scotland. Though most rumors are unconfirmed, many have been seeing a strange trail of fairly large spiders heading towards Hogwarts' infamous "Forbidden Forest." Whether these are Acromantula or not, remains largely a mystery. However, why are spiders fleeing the castle in such an organized manner? Is Hogwarts using an extremely advanced spider-repelling charm that we have not yet heard of? Or is there something more sinister at play here?
How Hogwarts Is Lacking
By Maximilian Rogan, 7th Year Slytherin
It has come to my attention that the greatest use for the Niffler is to talk about what's wrong with our school, and what it can do to fix it. I am very hopeful the administraition will take my article seriously. Before now my use of the Niffler simply involved making paper birds to dive bomb unsuspecting student's that I had secret crushes on (Yes that means YOU Aileen Conroy, Cara Lorenzo, Quinn Donovan, and Michelle Ravensdale. Exception being Riordan Dibernardo. Those bird I enchanted to annoy you were simply that. Sorry but I dont have a secret crush on you.). Anyway I have given it long, arduous thought and I have come to the conclusion that Hogwarts really needs to give a class on the bullwhip as a weapon. It's very practicle as a weapon. Let's say your wand flies out of your hand, what do you do?! Why you pick up that handy dandy whip laying about on the ground and if you have mastery over it you can best your oponent. But if you don't well... you are screwed. Hogwarts must be taken to task for this sever oversite in our education. Who is with me?!
To all students from all schools: Your Professors keep writing us to tell you guys to stop falling asleep in their classes! You people snore and don't do your classwork, what is wrong with you? Is this an epidemic? Some teachers report as many as half their class snoozing on a daily basis! Folks, get some rest! Go to bed at decent hours! And no sneaking out after hours!
All school ghosts from all schools are invited to a Deathday Party! Please float your way to Hogwarts for the Deathday Party for Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington, who will be celebrating his five hundredth deathday. All are welcome!
News from the Gossip Ghoul
Durmstrang, Norway – Word around the island has it that some students are looking to form a Scandinavian Heritage Club to help students bond with others from the region, but the Ghoul sees through this clever tactic: they probably just want to show all of the foreign students how unwelcome they are. Then again, since everyone is invited to participate, maybe they're really just trying to be nice and make new friends.
Hogwarts, Scotland – After literally crashing a muggle car into the whomping willow, we're not sure why two certain Gryffindors were even allowed back at school. Why haven't they been expelled, and why is one of them even allowed to keep playing Quidditch? They should both be sent home.
Contributions to this issue were made by Aidan, Damian, Robert, and one anonymous member.
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